I recently wrote a post called “Better to Stay in the Closet” on self-esteem issues, and several gay men told me they’ve had similar experiences. Others have been curious about sexual abstinence. Almost no one has to be celibate, they say—certainly not in 2016, when there so many people looking for love on Scruff and OKCupid and SeniorPeopleMeet.com. “I’m sure you’re somebody’s type” is the buck-up-it’s-not-so-bad statement that many of us have come to dread. Based on responses to my personal ads, I’m the type for guys decades younger who live overseas (surely I’m the first American they’ve contacted) and men at least a decade older whose dogs have recently died.
After dating sites, the helpful suggestions devolve to include anonymous sex in very dark rooms and getting over any hang-ups about paying for someone’s company.
With all these options, some gay men wonder how anyone can go for years without sex. I have three explanations, none of which are working for me right now.