Andrew Sullivan recently had another go at the "gay left" and its supposed opposition to gay marriage, prompted by the release of marriage skeptic Michael Bronski's new book A Queer History of the United States.
It has always seemed chilling to me that gay leftists — when pushed to say what they really believe — want to keep gays in some sort of glorious, oppressed, marginalized position, until the majority agrees with the gay left's view of human nature, and revolutionizes straight society as well. This will never happen (and in my view, shouldn't).
Sullivan backed off a bit in a subsequent post, more or less admitting that the separatist strain in the gay rights movement is now pretty much limited to its oldest members. I'm not aware of any polling that has broken down the gay community by age groups, but my anecdotal impression is that the "Why would we want to get married?" crowd within the gay community is skewed toward the over-50 set, parallel to the "Why would we let them get married?" crowd in the general population. (In both cases, there is a small number of younger people who share the view of these elders, mostly for the security blanket of religious or ideological orthodoxy.)
I also think there's been a convergence among gay and straight younger Americans on attitudes toward sexuality and monogamy. That is, both groups endorse a period of exploration and experimentation in young adulthood, followed by a committed relationship and, in many cases, raising children. And even as gays and lesbians have sought marriage equality, the definition of monogamy has loosened a bit in straight society. I don't mean that actual cheating is condoned, but my impression is that some former taboos (watching porn, having "work spouses," enjoying flirtatious glances at the gym) aren't as marriage-threatening as in previous generations. I don't know if properly supervised lap dances are kosher for straight married people yet (as they are for many gay couples), but if they're seeking advice from Dan Savage, it seems only a matter of time.
Less repressive and patriarchal attitudes among straight people mean that gays and lesbians would have to really step things up to remain a separate, revolutionary force in American society, and I don't think many of us have the energy or inclination for a sexual arms race. I'm certainly not capable of doing anything to shock the straight(-appearing) college kids I see every day on the Orange Line.
Are we to demand that gay couples break up every few years (maybe each time someone gets a new ATM card) or get drummed out of the queer community? I'd rather just declare victory on the marriage front and enjoy the peace.
Note: I've worked with Michael Bronski back in my Boston Phoenix days, and he's a provocative and entertaining writer with a fine sense of humor — not the kind of stern militant that some might associate with the term "gay left."
Comments